Valentine's Day: A little love, with a whole lot of pressure

Okay, let's talk Valentine's Day. It's a time for celebrating love - a concept I am truly behind and a celebration I genuinely appreciate. I love seeing the cute cards, the little gestures, and the general feeling of warmth in the air. But… I've noticed something, especially as I've gotten older and more settled in my relationship, and especially since moving to the US, it's the sheer expectation surrounding the day that can feel a bit toxic.

It's not that I don't enjoy romance - I do! A thoughtful card, a special dinner, some flowers – all lovely things. But it's the pressure some women (and, let's be honest, some men too!) feel to have the perfect Valentine's Day that can be a bit much. It's like the romance gets overshadowed by the performance of it all. It's less "ooh, I love you," and more "look at how loved I am!"

In recent years, I have noticed that many women hype up Valentine's Day as if it's the be-all and end-all of a relationship, or the saddest day of their lives if spending it alone! Now I haven't been single in a while, but through my 20s and 30s I have never seen as much of a demand for grand romantic gestures as I did this year and I've been genuinely surprised by the level of expectation I've encountered by both women on the dating scene and those in relationships.

Now I don't dispute anything about wanting to feel loved and appreciated (which is totally valid!), but it's like the pressure cooker of love has finally blown its top. I've been genuinely surprised by the level of expectation I've encountered from both women on the dating scene and those already coupled up. It's like Valentine's Day has become the ultimate relationship litmus test. And that, for me, takes away some of the genuine joy in the day and any budding relationship.

As someone who used to work in hospitality, I cannot think of anything worse than booking a fancy restaurant on Valentine's Day as a gesture of love. Picture this: packed restaurant, overpriced set menu, stressed-out staff who are not treating you as anyone special – you're just another cog in the Valentine's Day machine. I love dining out, but trust me, Valentine's Day is not the day to try that new Michelin-star place. Do yourself a favour and go another time for a more authentic (and less chaotic) experience - much more romantic! Yet, despite all logic, people swarm to restaurants all over the city for this "special day." It's like a romantic lemming rush.

Gifts are another thing that appear to be a very popular way of expressing love. I have never received a gift for Valentine's Day (unless you count the teddy bear I got in grade 4 from my primary school boyfriend – and let's be honest, that was more awkward than romantic). Have I ever asked for a gift? No. Have I ever expected a gift? No. Is a Valentine's gift important to me? No. Am I settling? Absolutely not. It's all about perspective. A gift on Valentine's Day will never change the way I feel about loving someone. Now, my birthday or an anniversary… that's when I love a gift, and my opinion changes completely! But that day is for me or us, and Valentine's Day, albeit a cute and lovely idea, doesn't have the same exclusivity that I feel warrants a gift.

My ideal Valentine's Day? It definitely involves some romance! A cozy night in with my fiancé, a delicious home-cooked meal or dinner from our favourite local restaurant, maybe a special bottle of wine and enjoying a cute movie together. But more than anything, it's about connecting with him, enjoying each other's company, and appreciating the love we share every day, not just on one designated day of the year.

I really appreciate the small, everyday gestures. A random bunch of supermarket flowers, a sweet text, a special effort in a home-cooked meal – those are the things that truly make me feel loved and cherished. They're consistent (well, I'm still working on the consistency of the flowers), genuine, and they show me that he's thinking of me even when it's not a Hallmark-mandated occasion.

So, to all the partners out there feeling the pressure to pull off some grand, over-the-top gesture, maybe, just maybe, next year your loved one would appreciate a little bit of thoughtfulness spread throughout the year just as much (or even more!) than a single, extravagant display of "love." And to all my fellow women, let's try to dial down the pressure a bit, and focus on celebrating love in a way that feels authentic and meaningful to us, not just to the outside world. Valentine's Day should be about celebrating true connection, not competition. Let's keep the love real, and maybe just a little less… intense.