Unveiling the front of women leaders

She walks into the office, shoulders squared, a confident smile gracing her lips. She leads the presentation with poise, navigates tough questions with grace, and leaves the room having commanded respect and delivered results. To the outside world, she's the epitome of the successful career woman: in control, driven, and seemingly unflappable. But what lies beneath that polished facade? What emotions churn beneath the surface as she juggles demanding deadlines, high-stakes decisions, and the constant pressure to perform? The truth is, for many women leaders, the image they project is often a carefully constructed shield, protecting a vulnerable core navigating a demanding and often unforgiving environment. And let's be honest, sometimes that "unflappable" demeanor is fueled by a silent mantra of "fake it 'til you make it.”

I recently led a project which went extraordinarily well; from the outside, we were in control despite a chaotic environment, and we delivered everything on time and as intended. The very next day, I accidentally cried to my boss.

At the time of this project, I was going through a personal health issue that really took its toll. Throughout my recovery, I was distracted by the work, and the well-rehearsed me, who was used to navigating tough times, pressed on and completed the task at hand. But as soon as it was done, I was done. Emotionally fatigued from the push to maintain that professional front, I found my emotions escaped me. I didn't stay calm and collected; instead, I was vulnerable and sad in front of colleague, a situation I, like many women, choose to avoid. Although understanding and completely supportive, I dare say he was shocked at how quickly I went from my smiley, confident self to sobbing over the phone (turns out, I'm not a robot after all... who knew?).

We live in a world that often expects women in leadership to be both assertive and nurturing, decisive yet collaborative, strong but never "too" emotional (seems I need to work on this part!). This creates a tightrope walk where maintaining a professional front is not just a preference, but often a necessity for survival and advancement. Unveiling vulnerability can be perceived as weakness, opening the door to scrutiny, which is why many women (and men) choose to conceal these types of emotions. Some say maintaining that control is just part of the job of a leader, and I agree, however on the back of this, the tax on the physical and emotional wellbeing of leaders is not necessarily accounted for. This constant need to project an image of control can be emotionally exhausting, and the energy spent masking anxieties, suppressing frustrations, and forcing a calm demeanor takes a significant toll.

I've recently connected with a remarkable group of successful women across various stages of their careers. A recurring theme in our conversations centered around pivotal and defining moments due to the undeniable intersection of their personal and professional lives. Whether navigating a health crisis while leading a major project, dealing with family emergencies during crucial negotiations, or grappling with personal loss while leading a team through challenging times, we commiserated over the sheer absurdity of trying to maintain composure while our personal lives were in various states of chaos.

These shared experiences were labeled as pivotal because they represented significant turning points and changed the trajectory of our careers. They remind us that success doesn't equate to an absence of challenges or emotions. They normalize the moments of overwhelm, the feelings of self-doubt, and the need for support. By acknowledging the emotional labor involved in being a woman in leadership, especially in moments when personal and professional pressures collide, we can begin to dismantle unrealistic expectations and create more empathetic and supportive environments, both professionally and personally.

I feel that the journey of a career woman is often one of immense strength and resilience. But true strength lies not just in the ability to lead and achieve, but also in the courage to be authentic, to acknowledge the emotional realities of navigating a high-demand world, and to connect with others who understand the delicate balance of maintaining a professional front while embracing the full spectrum of human emotion. And while I may not intentionally cry in front of my boss or my colleagues, my belief is that wearing your heart on your sleeve and revealing it from time to time is not a sign of incompetence, but rather a sign that you're human, and being truly human is a tremendous strength.